I Love This Movie

I hate "health care." 

To me, there is no more devious menace to society then America's health care system and especially in California it is a complete black hole of human care and sanity. Everyone kind of knows how crappy the health care system is but if you have a job or parents that provide you have no idea how asinine it really is. 

For instance: Since I consider myself to be a somewhat responsible adult I made it a point to make sure that once my job's health benefits expired that I would get my own coverage. The fact is I never go to the doctor, but I am not up to being paranoid about random acts of catastrophe causing me to be in hellish debt the rest of my otherwise defunct life. So to ease my stress I get health coverage. I figure that at least caps the amount the man can take out of my pocket if the worst should happen. 

Of course Anthem Blue Cross has a website that is only partially functional. Annoying. Their paperwork totally makes sense to normal people who don't work for insurance underwriters. Not. Each benefit plan has fair terms and are made to accommodate all types of people in all types of health brackets. Health has nothing to do with health insurance. 

So I find a manageable plan with dental that is only $85/ month for basically nothing but emergency insurance and cheesy dental. Ridiculous. Then I get their response in the mail. Basically saying I have to pay a 20% higher premium $102/month because of tobacco use and my arm injury last September. Oh and the plan is way worse then the one I looked at originally everything is more expensive and I have a higher deductible.  

So a healthy 27 year old man with NO prior health issues, who is on NO medication gets hosed for over $100/mo. for "peace of mind?" The form doesn't even ask how much you smoke or how long... I could have smoked 1 cigarette in the last 6 months or 6 packs a day for the last 6 months, and I have to pay a higher premium because I USED my health insurance when I hurt my arm! Never have I experienced such a coldness and impersonality.

When I had a job paying for health insurance it was already intolerable and now I say it is not worth $100/month, but do I really have a choice? 

Yes. 

Bite me health coverage. I will take care of myself. If I fall again and break something I will load up on pain killers and take the next plane to Panama and get it fixed. Cheap vacation. If some clown bag runs me over and puts me in the hospital I will make him pay for it. If he is broke and has no insurance like me I will take it, but then I will file Bankruptcy and I will walk away with only injured credit. Who cares. 

I hope you die and rot away health care because you care for nothing more then the health of your bank accounts. 

Well...

So I had a smoke today, but I gave my pack away. I think I am less addicted to smoking then I am to quitting smoking. 

Passenger Side

I just had such an amazing experience. 

I was leaving Hollywood after seeing Star Trek (AMAZING!!) with some friends. It was midnight so I thought it prudent to go to the local 7-11 for a vitamin water and a pack of smokes. I left the 7-11 and lit my cigarette while driving down Sunset Blvd. all the while listening to Wilco's "A.M." The windows of my car were down as to avoid the unpleasant odor of a smoker's car and I was enjoying some of the last cool weather of Spring with the heater blasting. This continued as I got on the 101 South and all of a sudden it happened. 

While the wind howled thorough my car at 70MPH I was all of a sudden attentive to the fact that I was smoking. I realized I didn't really feel like smoking but I was doing so compulsively, and the conversation started. I was confronted by a voice in my own mind, while Wilco drowned in the rushing wind, that simply said, "What are you doing?" 

Immediately my brow furrowed as if I were an indignant child responding to a correcting parent. I responded, "I'm smoking." 

And then the deepest philosophical question followed by the concerned voice, "Why?"

I had no response since I was already aware I was being compulsive (AKA addiction.) I felt no shame or guilt but all the time my brow was angry and unmoving. The voice said with heartfelt concern, "You have to stop." 

Now, wanting to change the subject in my mind, I went to think about writing. The  voice said, "You will be a writer." My brow lifted, but the subject at hand was immediately brought back in to my minds eye while I sailed down the 5 South. 

The loving voice had parted and left a final thought: You will die. Not as a message of doom, but as a reminder of my mortality. My days on this Earth are numbered. I was instantly sobered and when I went to take another drag of my cigarette I realized that the wind had blown it out. 

I will remember that final thought because it came to me as if it was a man's dying words filled with desperate compassion.  I realized those were a man's dying words of desperate compassion. He died because he knew I would too and so that while I do live I have the opportunity to live fully if I so choose.

Father, into your hands I commend my Spirit. 

Contemporary Western Humanity

Steve Turner- quoted by Ravi Zacharias

Contemporary Western Humanity

We believe in Marx Freud and Darwin. We believe everything is OK as long as you don't hurt anyone- to best of your definition of hurt and to the best of your definition of knowledge. We believe in sex before, during, and after marriage. We believe in the therapy of sin. We believe that adultery is fun. We believe taboos are taboo. We believe that everything is getting better despite evidence to the contrary. The evidence must be investigated and you can prove anything with evidence. We believe there is something in horoscopes, UFOs, and bent spoons. Jesus was a good man just like Buddha, Mohammed, and ourselves. He was a good moral teacher although we think some of his good morals were really bad. We believe that all religions are basically the same (at least the ones that we read were.) They all believe in love and goodness they only differ on matters of creation, sin, heaven, hell, god, and salvation. We believe that after death comes the nothing because when you ask the dead what happens they say nothing. If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then it is compulsory heaven for all excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan. We believe in Masters and Johnson, what's selected as average, what's average is normal, what's normal is good. We believe in total disarmament because we believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed. Americans should beat their guns in to tractors and the Russians would be sure to follow. We believe that man is essentially good its only his behavior that lets him down. This is the fault of society, society is the fault of conditions, and conditions are the fault of society. We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him and reality will adapt accordingly- the universe will readjust history will alter. We believe that there is no absolute truth excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth. We believe in the rejection of creeds and the flowering of individual thought. 

If chance be the father of all flesh disaster is his rainbow in the sky, and when you hear state of emergency, sniper kills 10, troops on rampage, youths go looting, bomb blasts school it is but the sound of man worshipping his maker. 

http://htod.cdncon.com/o2/rzimht/MP3/LMPT/LMPTCD125-2.mp3

Today's DC Memories

The World You Love- Jimmy Eat World

The perfect song for this trip. My iPod on shuffle always knows... always. 

Seven Caged Tigers- Stone Temple Pilots

Thinking, damn this is such a good jam as I waltzed in to the National Gallery.

Vicarious- Tool

While eating lunch in the National Gallery. Families chatting, kids, grandmas, and happy museum type atmosphere. While I was listening to this tasty number straight from the bowels of hell. Shaina would be proud. 

Ain't no Mountain High Enough- Michael McDonald version

After finishing lunch in the cafe at the National Gallery... Then I was interrupted twice for drinking water while on the moving sidewalk... I can have the water in my pocket but I can't drink it? 

Ballad of the Beaconsfield Miners- Foo Fighters

Snickering to myself that I knew who was playing this song despite the fact that it is an uncharacteristic Foo Fighters number. 

Gravity- John Mayer

Walking down the stretch of Cherry Blossomed road between the National gallery and the Capitol building. 

Bold as Love- Jimi Hendrix

As I looked up at our Capitol Building in awe.

My Girl- The Temptations

A Summer Song- Chad & Jeremy

Taking pictures of the outside of Union Station avoiding a homeless guy that was trying to bum a cigarette.

End of the Day- Beck

Gazing at the behemoth arches within Union Station half jealous that DC's is way cooler then LA's. 

Policy of Truth- Depeche Mode

After Leaving Union Station with a large Chocolate chip cookie and a bottled water. 

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room- John Mayer

After explaining to the cabby that I want to go to the place with the flame... the place by the Potomac? Where Kennedy is buried?? YES... Arlington Cemetery. 

Maria- Dave Brubeck

Heard the birds singing in between the breaks. 

Plateau- Nirvana

While taking a leak at Arlington Cemetery 

Lost?- Coldplay

Not a bad compliment to FDR's memorial. "Be sincere; be brief; be seated." FDR

Mr. Pleasant- The Kinks

An encouragement to accept the fact that it is OK to be rude to people, not listen to them, nor ask them about their lives... especially when they stand in front of you as you snap a picture.

Give it Away Now- Red Hot Chili Peppers

Not peaceful, but always brings a smile and air drumming while walking through torrents of tourists. 

The Wall- Kansas

The perfect neo-classical rock ballad to listen to while you approach something as neo-classical and rocking as Thomas Jefferson's memorial. 

I am the Highway- Audioslave

While walking toward the Washington Memorial with Jefferson to my left amidst hundreds of cherry blossomed trees.

Note to Self

In times like these many people who are kings and queens of their own world are bowing to the instability of the world we live in. Their kingdoms gone, their subjects are scattered, and their crowns are on display at the local Pawn Shop.

The true leaders in this new world will rise from the ash of the old facade of false security. The people who move with momentous energy, the people who don't settle for second, and the people who remain accountable for their responsibilities. Wise stewards and prudent decision makers.

So to all those responsible people out there. Your time has come. Do not say, "I have worked for nothing," there is no such thing, and do not give up. Revamp your financial plans. Shut off the news for a day and think about how you can adjust your lifestyle. Skip American Idol one night a week and give yourself TWO HOURS to judge your own life, to make your own plans, and to root for someone you love.

Hold on to what matters and to hell with the rest. Don't let one tree block you from playing in the forest.

You've got to get yourself together now. You're stuck in a moment... and you CAN get out of it. We will move beyond this moment.

After all it is simply a moment.

It feels like...

I am watching my life fall apart right before my eyes.

And I don't know how to stop the madness.

Music has the ability to make us feel. Much of the music I have heard over the duration on my life makes a point to look at life though rosy colored glasses making the grimmest of situations, emotions, feelings seem good. Some artists go over the top, some fall short, but in the case of Barrett Johnson's, In Case I Went Missing, I would say he plays it just right.

In a time when the simplicity of music can be lost so easily in the studio, Barrett plays simply, speaks softly, and writes honestly. I have trouble comparing his music to that of Travis or the softer side of Coldplay because his substance is approachable and realistic to me, but sonically the similarities are there. The acoustic sound with plenty of layered vocals and instrumental arrangements contain a delicate interplay that makes several of the songs worth listening to on repeat.

This album has literally been the highlight of my musical journey this year. Perhaps because I feel it hits so close to home or perhaps because I know how great of a guy Barrett is, but regardless this gem is worthy of attention. Plus, if you want to feel really cool, you can go to any number of his shows in the LA/OC area and meet some incredibly fantastic people. Not to mention, the ever-wonderful Billy Kernkamp or Billy with The Last Campfire.

Always worth the night out. Always. Always. Always.

By the way, I know by know you are wondering how much I get paid for this, (answer: zero), but if you have a desire to look cool while you feel cool out on the town or at one of these shows. I highly recommend you stop by Billy's Vintage clothing store Denim Blue located in Huntington Beach on the North side of Beach Blvd. between Ellis and Talbert. It is by far the most plesant place I have ever shopped, hung out, been groped, etc.

She's a Good Girl

Freefalling
There is nothing that can stop it
Nothing can be done
Exhiliaration blanks the mind
Blinds the eyes
Deafens the ears
Sensory overload
Adrenaline is pumping
All the while falling
This is the beginning
Freefalling

Nothing...

Nothing Floods my soul and fills me with gratitude like a good rain.

I am never more content then when it is raining. The more firece the storm the more excitement. I am part of it and it is a part of me.

The proof and truth of the complete lack of control I have over a world that is sustained by something far outside of itself.

Color Quiz

Justin took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Dry Eyes

I missed something
I wish I forgot
What I knew I wanted
What I did not

I want you
in the rain
I want you despite your pain
I want you
in the rain

A night gone by
A longing still plain
I'll keep my light on
Sleep in silent strain

I want you
in the rain
I want you despite my pain
I want you in the rain

No pleasure here
I'll sleep alone
Shifting subtly and without gain
The sky taps out a soft refrain

I want you
in the rain

The Final Word

So I received a few responses to my last rebuttal to Prop 8 some less scathing then others, but none as convincing as they were patronizing.

Every law that exists today that has given marriage any legal protection, any tax benefit, and a spouse any right has been supported by a group of people. All bills are sponsored, drafted, proposed, defined and voted on, and as we can all see this is no easy process. So all the religious groups, and non religious people who are pro-marriage have laid the foundation legally over several years struggling through issues such as interracial marriage, marriage age limitations, and all the other insanities that are packed in to the legal infrastructure of what we call marriage. To most people its just about finding someone and being bound to them, but we easily take for granted how much work has been put in to make a marriage a legal entity for each couple.

Regardless of how I feel now about how America can take something so simple and make it in to something so arduous and prolific; the word as defined is rooted in our culture, is required to be taught about in schools, and is defined by our world in one way. Between a man and a woman. It does not matter whether you think this right or wrong... that is how it is. I do not believe it is rational or fair to just pretend that we can just slip a completely anatomically, socially, and otherwise different definition of marriage into the existing system. Especially when this particular definition of marriage is considered unacceptable to the interest groups who worked to define it in the first place.

Now before you blow a gasket... realize something. If civil unions are not equal to marriage, which I have heard mixed messages about, then I believe the gay community should have the courage to fight for equality. They should lay the infrastructure, they should sponsor the bills, and they should fight for their unions to be identified for what they are. I would support that. Sure they are the minority, and sure it will be hard, but that is the war story of any noble cause. This is America we have the freedom to fight for our rights. If the gay community would accomplish that feat then how dare anyone say that a civil union is less then a marriage. I believe gay couples share that level of love and commitment, and deserve legal rights.

So say what you will about red herring issues such as segregation, and cry all you want about how you are a second class citizen. Its all drama, and in my mind all bullshit. How dare anyone get so upset about something that involves all of us without having some rational solutions to the issue.

The people who spent their lives making marriage when it is today and other people who believe homosexuality is immoral (yes they exist whether you like it or not) are having THEIR rights infringed upon, their liberties attacked, and their lives affected.

So stop being angry for 5 seconds and think about a few solutions that we can all work on. Solutions that will be progressive, loving, and will lead to an answer. I'm not on here saying I am right! I just want people to talk, rationally, reasonably, and without judgment and condemnation. I can handle your venom, but I would rather learn something.

Art School Girlfriend

11.08.2008
Originally uploaded by jdddogg

This was one of my favorite pieces at the Hurley Art show last night. It was done by Antonio Lewington called "Zappa."