I am playing music at The Break tomorrow night. The Break is a high school youth group affiliated with Seaside Community Church in Huntington Beach; the same group I attended as a high schooler and played at for about 3 years. I will be playing bass along side Aaron Mc Brearty and Brian Dishon for sure... perhaps more people will be there. Aaron asked me today if I wanted to play a song and I opted for bass. Life has changed so much.
I hope that tomorrow night something will happen in me that will cause me to desire to play a song. I always have enjoyed leading, but at this point I can't think of a song to play. I was thinking about it today, and all I could think of was talking to these kids, and this is the gist of what I wanted to say.
You must learn. (Thank you KRS1) If you are always listening to the person in the pulpit and not processing the thought, not understanding the meaning, and not acting out what YOU believe you are defeating the reason the whole production is arranged in the first place. Most people are raised and told by their parents in so many ways how to live, what to do, and where to go. Then we get palmed off to teachers at school, usually against our will, who do the same thing. Then we go to church and listen to a regular person explain how they feel, how they interpret the Bible, and how they have come to understand the meanings of life. I don't believe that method is sufficient. I have studied preaching and teaching, the Bible, Ministry, cultural ideologies, and people and I know for a fact that teachers and preachers always rely on their gut when it comes down to it. Are you willing to let another's experience, another's vision, another's feelings dictate your own? Many people are. It transfers the responsibility of living your life off of you and on to someone else who will eventually disappear from your life. When they go away, your grid disappears, and all you have left is the remnants of a tattered map of how to live littering your memories. Same with school... I have tons of algebraic debris in my mind and yes it has added to me and has been somewhat useful in certain ways, but if the concepts were my own, something I understood, something I applied they would be useful more to me. So I don't say, "stop going to church there is no point," I say take advantage of the fortune you have to have a consistent flow of communication, an extracurricular learning environment that is geared for your soul, a group of people you supposedly can rely on, and make those things yours.
I have spent far too long agonizing over the loss of these things in my own life. I am blessed because I made my church my own, and not only I reap the benefits but all those who see that ember in my eye. I have moved on in my life, but that doesn't stop me from coming back. I do not fear judgement, hypocrisy, or condemnation I just have a different path now. I drink on occasion to have a good time, I smoke cigarettes casually, I enjoy being around the ladies, and that is who I am. I don't think it is wrong, and I don't need to explain it.
If you believe that God loves everyone for who they are then believe that he loves me. I don't need to prove it... I am just blessed enough to know it. He created my foul mouth, my silly brain, and everything else. At least I use what I have been given. Gotta play the cards you are dealt. Fortunately I come equipped with Aces up my sleeves, at least I think they are Aces.
