Spring Weeds

Brightest reds, deep purples, pink against green

Living and thriving effortlessly

Wind gently passing through

Brushing sunny day heat away

Families with only subtle differences

A garden of them with no master

Cohabiting yet abiding common law

Surviving quietly with one another

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder

But beauty is deceiving to the unlearned

For weeds grow just as easily

Insidious and divisive

Roots tie these bruised leaf beauties

Ever stronger to the ground

Their presence multiplies quick

Dull, yellow, and emaciated

Honey bees have no need for their bloom

They only exist for themselves

Their milky blood ever hoarding

Gangly limbs usurping water and light.

I may look upon this garden

And see only flowers

Ignoring the weeds, forgetting their treachery

To enjoy only what is beautiful

Convinced that all things must end eventually

Leave the weeds amongst the flowers

Wheat and chaff amongst sheep and goats

In this garden with no master

I will not water this garden

The soil will remain unturned

And this beautiful Spring garden

Will still remain

But these weeds pull at me

Mocking me despite themselves

Flaunting their blooms and spreading their seed

Causing my heart to well for what beauty may be lost

For I know a weed from a flower

Their dry hides and lofty blooms

Flying from other untended gardens

And forgotten fields

My eyes are open towards this garden

The weeds amongst the flowers

Where once someone placed each plant

Weeds have crept in between and behind

Sons and daughters of neglect and happenstance

They bow below their sturdy patriarchs

Without care for their surroundings

Taking what the flowers must share

Weeds have no alliance and only independence

Would their blooms be gathered together

They may convince any layman of their beauty

Yet they live unto themselves

Forcefully grabbing the trunk of the weed

It gives up its tail as a slinky lizard it escapes underground

Pull as I may the roots are deep and the roots are strong

This masterless garden at least looks better

This Spring

Smog Check

Bold green letters say "Pass or Retest" in capitals next to the trapezoid shaped drive-thru.

The partly clouded sky is open enough to let the new Spring sun out on this California day. This typical city in the middle of development is unaffected by the weather. Big Lots is directly across the street in an otherwise unused shopping center next to the main attraction: Del Taco. Small alternative holes in the walls don't seem to get very much business in this square center. Probably because Del Taco has better food quality, at least, that is the word on the street.

Bella's Hair Salon on the opposite side sits solemnly as the last shop in the three store strip. Only looking slightly less bizarre than the geometrically profound Smog Station beside it. Existing in sight by only the rickety marquee that bears the bold red letters of Bella's there are two backward signs only showing white plastic and a proprietary piece of black graffiti. The archaic word "Beepers" can be faintly seen in reverse on the bottom sign that sits just above the marquee's white stucco base.

Passion to Perfection

Writing for me has typically been a habit that I have kept reserved for moments where I am most distracted. College was the real proof of this. Memories of writing paper after paper with headphones in my ears is mostly what I remember. There were several moments where I would have my laptop glowing in the grandstands of High School football games or on a School Bus somewhere in LA. Imagine, writing a theological exposition on the book of Genesis while there were 1,000 screaming people outside of the South American Jazz blaring in my headphones.

Typically I find myself doing most of my thinking to a soundtrack or some other external occupation. Naturally I am led to think of the few things in my life that force me in the moment to actually focus solely on the task at hand. Working on my VW is one of these things. I have had very few moments in which my meager mechanical skills were required for this task but when it is demanded the music is off and I am engrossed in the oil soaked beast that I love.

Surfing and Cycling are another sole focus or soul focus if you will. Music has no place out in the water or on the road. I find that when I am surfing or cycling I have a rare moment to be completely attentive to the task at hand. They are both relatively extreme sports and demands one's full attention.

Performing music is something of the same in my mind as well. There are so many options for distraction but performing music requires the ability to make the distractions inspirations. Sure, there are moments when the mind drifts and that dude gyrating in the front row triggers a lack of focus, but the best musical performances are nothing like that to me. The best musical performances for me are the ones that take you outside of yourself. All the technical aspects of moving your fingers and projecting your voice become natural extensions of yourself. Kind of like surfing in the dark. Once you are up it is nothing but instinct that moves your arms, your legs, and your voice. Instinct that you have created though years of practice mixed with a magic that only inspiration can bring.

Far too often the monotony of practicing so many different things that you love can be overwhelming. Devotion to any craft takes a certain level of passion and risk and so when I am spread thin there are moments where I have to rely on being distracted once again. Excellence will be demanded of all of us at some point or another whether it is at a concert, in the water with waves and people that demand excellence, or when writing a paper for a good grade.

Find yourself in the distractions you encounter. Limit them and consider them but when push comes to shove be sure to be around people who demand excellence, practice your passions, and enjoy the moments when practice makes perfect.

I constantly try to remember that practice never makes perfect. Never have I met a successful person who has accomplished everything entirely. Success is not stopping it is a continual climb from plateau to plateau.

Breathing is our most practiced activity. Everything else we work on will lead up to our last breath, which I believe will be the first breath of perfection.

In the Name of Dawn

Crack of light before dawn

Bright light of hope

Traveling in sight and in feel

Outrunning sound

Bone chilling beginning

Moon take that back seat

Drag, drag my heels back

Reluctantly

Not the first morning

Not close to last

Change feels colder

Taking cautious steps back

Sunlight always comes

Considering the day

Prideful moonlight

Fades sheepishly away

Decisively run

Despite the black ground

Sprint quick in darkness

Eyes heaven bound

Only Friend

Defy the temptation of reputation

Classifying individuals is impossible

Arranging judgements like dominos

Secrets only hold together card houses

We break free

Silently

Affections shower

Springtime rain

Hear the drops hit grassy blades

See the lines on window panes

We blend

Blindly

Dominos fall one by one

Anticipation and fun

The cards are on the table

Encourage-able

The end

Certainly

Hitch's Pre-Valentines Tips

Last night as I was looking for a movie in my small collection found the movie Hitch. I do not know how I acquired this movie, not being a collector of Will Smith movies, or "romantic comedies," but I had an idea. I decided it might be interesting to see what tips Hitch has for the single folk or better yet what tips, Kevin Bisch, the writer of Hitch has for my blog-loving friends.

Please note: all statistics and quotes are directly from the movie. There are no sources or fact checks for any of the below statements. Let your heart decide.

14 Tips from Hitch Himself!

1) No woman wakes up in the morning and says to herself, "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today."

2) 60% of all human communication is non-verbal, 30% is your tone, so 90% of what you are saying doesn't come out of your mouth.

3) No matter what, when, or who- any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.

4) You can not use what you do not have. So if you are shy be shy. If you are outgoing be outgoing.

5) "You" is a very fluid concept right now.

6) In case you didn't go to High School hitting is a good thing.

7) 8 out of 10 women believe the first kiss will tell them everything they need to know about the relationship. *This was the only tip repeated twice in the movie.

8) Life is not the amount of breaths you take. It is the moments that take your breath away.

9) With no guile and no game there is no girl.

10) You can't really know where you are going until you know where you've been.

11) Women can always tell when you're not being real with them. Worst thing you can do is try to fake it.

12) Women relate dancing to sex. If she asks you [to dance] you cannot say no. Elbows 6 inches from the waist 90 degree angle. Don't bite your lip. Stop it.

13) The secret to a kiss is to go 90% of the way... and then hold.

14) Because that is what people do. They leap and hope to God they can fly. Because otherwise we just drop like a rock wondering the whole way down: Why the hell did I jump?

So good luck out there tigers! You are now completely love savvy. You have 2 days to bag the person of your dreams. Just don't forget the final tip in Hitch: Basic Principle- There are none. Now that is what I call entertainment.

Don't Haiti

February is all about the lighter side for me this year. I am going to resist every urge to be a brooding artist, a sullen lover boy and an afflicted fight guy. My pleasure will be in the sublime virtues of our daily lives. Benefit after benefit of practical awe-inspiring benevolence.

This decision has been a long time coming. I have been preparing for months. Defrosting this heart of stone is no easy task. Seriously... I just thought of this last night and it just happened to be the last day of January. I was sitting at my car pondering and I thought something that happened this weekend.

Hate, as I was reminded this weekend, is a very strong word. For instance: I said, "I hated Where the Wild Things Are." That movie was grossly depressing and I don't personally consider depression entertainment. I didn't really hate it; I just didn't like it. Until I was called on that I really did hate it though. I had no good feeling for that little brat or those pathetic monsters. (Even though the CGI looked really cool!)

Haiti was another subject that breeched my thoughts. What has happened in Haiti is undeniably a scene of complete disaster. I can't help but to compare the devastation to that of New Orleans's Hurricane Katrina. Suddenly, my new interest in being positive kicked in. New Orleans went through a terrible disaster, but many amazing progressions have come about since this disaster that benefitted Haiti now during their time of need. Green technology has made a grand entrance in New Orleans. Have you heard of the Trash King of New Orleans?? Have you heard of the Holy Cross Project?

My personal knowledge of New Orleans and even Haiti pre-disaster was quite minimal. However, reading a bit more, both of these places will benefit from these tragic events. Truly, lives lost in horrific fashions, especially those of natural phenomenon, will never be understandable. There is nothing upbeat or positive about that. My hope is that Haiti will now have the support from the world community that it has needed for so long to change. I am also proud to be a part of that change and around people who are driven to lift up the Haitian community.

There are fundraisers in the works. As soon as I get media... it will be posted. Here is to an uplifting and inspirational February!

Living in Love

Life is constantly starting over and past successes and failures are mountains already climbed.

Earlier last week I caught a blurb on KCRW about entropy and the speaker spoke of it in a personal sense. We often live in routine and create momentum through it. This is our life style: the consistent momentum of our lives. Eventually, many of the directions we move entropy or degenerate. We slow down certain habits or stop them completely. This is a physical cycle. Life within life.

Most people would never know but for 2 or 3 years I have been so overwhelmed within myself. The people I know best know I hide it really well, but I have been a total nervous wreck for a while. Yesterday I realized something: It is OK.

I don't like to use too much pop-psychology but it has been a defense mechanism. A few years ago I made several major changes in my own life, and the shift of momentum is an incredibly difficult phase. Physically momentum takes time and work. Often I see tragedy, mourning and sadness as counterproductive but all of that is work that builds momentum.

The small things are the hardest. For instance: Anyone who knew me 5 years ago would know that I would scoff at the very idea of wearing cowboy boots. Ever. It was all about the skater shoes. So comfortable in my CT IIIs. Vintage clothes were pointless. I could get Hurley shirts for $5 at a warehouse sale. Jeans were jeans. Drinking was either an art or a bad habit, and smoking was out of the question (except for the occasional hookah encounter). My friends were all at church and my life revolved around ministry.

When all of this changed in my life I felt a sense of loss. Loss hurts and so I thought that hating these things about myself would inspire a change. A new me. I moved on by myself to survive. Throughout this process of scowling at my past I met new people and tried new things. All of these while bearing the burden of my past. Refusing to let it go even though I hated it.

Carrying a load of hate crushed me. What I realized only yesterday while outside of Starbucks was that I didn't need to hate anymore. I was wearing my vintage Lees, vintage white V, vintage brown leather jacket and some brown vintage boots smoking a cigarette and it all came to me. My past was awesome, and my present is far greater.

The small things change quickly but relationships are thew hardest work. My people are always number one to me. So to loose relationships that I held so dear was extremely painful, and to live without being able to trust anyone new was a trap. Now I am again surrounded by amazing people and this is my realization. I have people I love again, and the people from my past that I still love I love even more.

My faith. My irreplaceable family. My para-families the Crains, Dishons, and Kernkamps. Were it not for Brian Crain and Billy I would have no sense for clothing (and I would have one less tattoo). If not for Billy I would have given up my dream to play music, and invariably many other dreams. Barrett has added years to my soul through our conversations and Dallas infinitely inspires me. Ryan, Heather, and Andi are my comedic and intellectual muses and the list goes on and on...

Work we do in life creates our momentum over time. Valuing others and working on relationships with people can often seem hopeless, but the fact is that it is always worth it. Even if relationships entropy from time to time it is always worth it.

I am looking forward to living in love again.

Sea Change

There are very few times when I have seen waves break past the Huntington Beach Pier. I have lived here all my life and have seen a few storms but they usually come and go so quickly that there is never a sense of action. Seemingly most people just become confused, drive really cautiously/dangerously and eventually become annoyed by nature's inconvenience after a day or two.

I only say this because I have felt this way over the last few days. I can't help it, it is in my blood. However, I had a spark of enthusiasm today when my friend Dan mentioned he was going to go check out the waves. You know when I have lived in Santa Ana too long when this didn't even cross my mind during the still of the storm.

It was fantastic. There is nothing like the wind at the end of a pier or on a high hill overlooking the ocean. The sunset was stifled by the storm system that looked like it was sharing its bounty with Catalina Island, but that didn't hamper the sheer nature going on just in front of Ruby's Diner.

Beloved Friends

Something I am used to, being only potentially wealthy, is managing what little options I have and enjoying the simplicity of discovering the new. This has given me such a love/hate relationship with traveling alone. My first trip to Spain was a solo mission to Zaragoza and talk about limited options. I barely found the train from Madrid and when I did eventually arrive I had no idea where I was and nobody wanted to speak English to me. Being shy myself I was at a loss of communication until my friend Lee showed up for a few days. I loved Zaragoza and the little of Madrid I saw, but honestly what I remember most was my time alone. I had no car, no phone, no friends, and not much money, and this was exhilarating to me.

Now I just arrived a few weeks ago from my second trip to Spain where I was in a similar situation. This time Barcelona. Why Spain you may ask? I have wondered the same thing, but honestly I travel by my gut and, of course, opportunity. Spain has called me twice. This trip was especially fantastic because I was generously hosted by my beloved friend Crissy and my friend Dan was travelling there. We spent the whole two weeks together, with and without Dan, and similarly to my previous trip, it is not the city I remember but the time we spent there.

This trip I learned that people see what they want to see wherever they go. Sure Antoni Gaudí's architecture is beautiful and the Spanish sunrise over the Mediterranean is awe inspiring. Riding bikes through the carefully lit streets and fighting the crowds on las ramblas will always stay in my mind, but those are subtext to me.

I see everyone laughing at Dan while having Fernando's birthday dinner. I see Crissy's tiny dog, Lola, peeing all over the place when I walked in the house for the first time. I see eating grapes while the ball drops on New Years. I see the people I met personally and their unique quirks. There are so many special and unique memories I could write for days.

Many people can have Spain, or anywhere they want, but only I have these friends and these moments. These are my world and they mean the world to me.

So to my beloved friends I say thank you for such precious moments. Each one a journey, an inspiration, and a precious memory.

GO GO Wiki Heritage!

Ancestry is an important thing. I often think of how much my family line actually affects who I am, how I feel, and where I will go. Is there something distinctively German about me? Do I have Italian feet? Would my hairless chest have been displayed in the Egyptian Pyramids??

First and foremost, I am an American. This for me means I don't know really anything about my ancestry. My extended family is spread out all over the place and I honestly don't know much more then a few of their names. For several years I have wanted to remedy this to no avail, but this will be my first step because this Christmas I got some interesting news... I am Swiss!

As it turns out I am mostly Swiss! One one hand this simplifies my lack of direction when it comes to my heritage, but since Swiss means a lot of things to this American I have decided to Wikipedia Switzerland and see how I fit in with my kinsmen.

Here are 10 reasons why I am proud to be (supposedly) Swiss.

1. My country makes scientific breakthroughs in chocolate. Daniel Peter invented Milk Chocolate in 1875, but I still can't make the jump from good old fashioned dark. I am old school Swiss.

2. Switzerland has been making Pinot Noir since the Romans owned the place. This explains that place in my heart for that beautiful varietal, and all this time I thought it was Paul Giamatti in Sideways.

3. There is a traditional Swiss wrestling-like sport called Schwingen.

4. The Swiss' life expectancy is of the highest in the world: 79 for men and 84 for women. Now I know why I have always felt that live hard and die young could never apply to me.

5. The Swiss don't believe in making things "official." There is no official Religion, no official linguistic identity, and no official allegiance to any other country. Huzzah for intentional neutrality!

6. One of the most widely used sans-serif typefaces in the world, Helvetica, is totally Swiss. Take THAT Tahoma!

7. A variety of the unofficial motto of Switzerland was used in 1844 by the French writer Alexandre Dumas' in his, The Three Musketeers, "One for all, all for one."

8. Even though Switzerland is a place I have never visited. I can still agree, laugh and relate to most of the things on this list.

9. Swiss humor rules. "A line is a dot that went for a walk." -Paul Klee

10. Zürich and Geneva have respectively been ranked as having the second and third highest quality of life in the world. Psh... Mercer Consulting who conducted this study is Canadian owned, I think if the Swiss did this research it would be a bit more accurate.

Measures of Faith

I don’t think anyone should be looked down upon for their life choices, perhaps their choices should be questioned, but nobody deserves to feel lesser because of what they do, who they are, or who they associate with.

6 Reasons why you making assumptions about another person’s faith is completely inappropriate:

1. Mr./Mrs. Perfect (circle one)- The allegiances, beliefs, loyalties, traditions, and convictions you have are not perfect for everyone else too.

2. Songs of Salami- Your "Biblical" assumptions left out that faith is given individually in measures (Romans 12:3) and that faith itself is a gift (1 Cor. 12:9).

3. The Santa Clause- You are not the giver of said gifts and therefore can’t really pontificate about them.

4. Life of Riley the Theologian- You have not achieved the full understanding of your own faith and should not have time to make observations of others.

5. EDD Check Yourself- Your conclusion that one’s sad state has to do with their lack of devotion to Jesus implies that you believe that every well to do person in this world is devoted to Jesus.

6. Act 2- CUT!- Your church where everyone believes together, has everything in common where there is constantly a sense of awe, and many wonders and signs are taking place doesn't exist yet.

Starving for Innuendo

Sweetness is best with a tinge of spice or salt.
Spice is best when it is deep and consistent.
Bland can alway be nudged subtly in to comfort.
Complicated needs only the simplest pairing.
Loud needs its own place.
Soft wants a little crisp.

The Things That Scare Us

Meeting in the night unexpectedly
Without any expectation speaking readily
Building toothpick fences for playing card houses

Meeting in the morning anxiously
Riding our lives to summit snowy peaks
Ignoring catastrophe while it speaks, speaks, speaks

Joining together day in and night
Learning all the tricks
Making paper airplanes from thorny drying sticks

Playing like children in the park, the pool, and surf
Feeding inner children with dinner and dessert
Memory strips like paper clips trampled in the dirt

The good times become worst
When perfect bubbles burst
These things that scare us
Surely aren't the first.

Besos fríos

The late summer heat
Could barely compete
With the love that we had

Oh sweet Summer's end
Too cold to pretend
A new sun will rise again

Once warmth and grace
Fall snowflakes of lace
Cold kisses all that I feel

No matter how much I miss
The warmth of your kiss
My heart, like yours, is as steel