I missed something
I wish I forgot
What I knew I wanted
What I did not
I want you
in the rain
I want you despite your pain
I want you
in the rain
A night gone by
A longing still plain
I'll keep my light on
Sleep in silent strain
I want you
in the rain
I want you despite my pain
I want you in the rain
No pleasure here
I'll sleep alone
Shifting subtly and without gain
The sky taps out a soft refrain
I want you
in the rain
25 November 2008
10 November 2008
The Final Word
So I received a few responses to my last rebuttal to Prop 8 some less scathing then others, but none as convincing as they were patronizing.
Every law that exists today that has given marriage any legal protection, any tax benefit, and a spouse any right has been supported by a group of people. All bills are sponsored, drafted, proposed, defined and voted on, and as we can all see this is no easy process. So all the religious groups, and non religious people who are pro-marriage have laid the foundation legally over several years struggling through issues such as interracial marriage, marriage age limitations, and all the other insanities that are packed in to the legal infrastructure of what we call marriage. To most people its just about finding someone and being bound to them, but we easily take for granted how much work has been put in to make a marriage a legal entity for each couple.
Regardless of how I feel now about how America can take something so simple and make it in to something so arduous and prolific; the word as defined is rooted in our culture, is required to be taught about in schools, and is defined by our world in one way. Between a man and a woman. It does not matter whether you think this right or wrong... that is how it is. I do not believe it is rational or fair to just pretend that we can just slip a completely anatomically, socially, and otherwise different definition of marriage into the existing system. Especially when this particular definition of marriage is considered unacceptable to the interest groups who worked to define it in the first place.
Now before you blow a gasket... realize something. If civil unions are not equal to marriage, which I have heard mixed messages about, then I believe the gay community should have the courage to fight for equality. They should lay the infrastructure, they should sponsor the bills, and they should fight for their unions to be identified for what they are. I would support that. Sure they are the minority, and sure it will be hard, but that is the war story of any noble cause. This is America we have the freedom to fight for our rights. If the gay community would accomplish that feat then how dare anyone say that a civil union is less then a marriage. I believe gay couples share that level of love and commitment, and deserve legal rights.
So say what you will about red herring issues such as segregation, and cry all you want about how you are a second class citizen. Its all drama, and in my mind all bullshit. How dare anyone get so upset about something that involves all of us without having some rational solutions to the issue.
The people who spent their lives making marriage when it is today and other people who believe homosexuality is immoral (yes they exist whether you like it or not) are having THEIR rights infringed upon, their liberties attacked, and their lives affected.
So stop being angry for 5 seconds and think about a few solutions that we can all work on. Solutions that will be progressive, loving, and will lead to an answer. I'm not on here saying I am right! I just want people to talk, rationally, reasonably, and without judgment and condemnation. I can handle your venom, but I would rather learn something.
Every law that exists today that has given marriage any legal protection, any tax benefit, and a spouse any right has been supported by a group of people. All bills are sponsored, drafted, proposed, defined and voted on, and as we can all see this is no easy process. So all the religious groups, and non religious people who are pro-marriage have laid the foundation legally over several years struggling through issues such as interracial marriage, marriage age limitations, and all the other insanities that are packed in to the legal infrastructure of what we call marriage. To most people its just about finding someone and being bound to them, but we easily take for granted how much work has been put in to make a marriage a legal entity for each couple.
Regardless of how I feel now about how America can take something so simple and make it in to something so arduous and prolific; the word as defined is rooted in our culture, is required to be taught about in schools, and is defined by our world in one way. Between a man and a woman. It does not matter whether you think this right or wrong... that is how it is. I do not believe it is rational or fair to just pretend that we can just slip a completely anatomically, socially, and otherwise different definition of marriage into the existing system. Especially when this particular definition of marriage is considered unacceptable to the interest groups who worked to define it in the first place.
Now before you blow a gasket... realize something. If civil unions are not equal to marriage, which I have heard mixed messages about, then I believe the gay community should have the courage to fight for equality. They should lay the infrastructure, they should sponsor the bills, and they should fight for their unions to be identified for what they are. I would support that. Sure they are the minority, and sure it will be hard, but that is the war story of any noble cause. This is America we have the freedom to fight for our rights. If the gay community would accomplish that feat then how dare anyone say that a civil union is less then a marriage. I believe gay couples share that level of love and commitment, and deserve legal rights.
So say what you will about red herring issues such as segregation, and cry all you want about how you are a second class citizen. Its all drama, and in my mind all bullshit. How dare anyone get so upset about something that involves all of us without having some rational solutions to the issue.
The people who spent their lives making marriage when it is today and other people who believe homosexuality is immoral (yes they exist whether you like it or not) are having THEIR rights infringed upon, their liberties attacked, and their lives affected.
So stop being angry for 5 seconds and think about a few solutions that we can all work on. Solutions that will be progressive, loving, and will lead to an answer. I'm not on here saying I am right! I just want people to talk, rationally, reasonably, and without judgment and condemnation. I can handle your venom, but I would rather learn something.
08 November 2008
Art School Girlfriend
This was one of my favorite pieces at the Hurley Art show last night. It was done by Antonio Lewington called "Zappa."
30 October 2008
I'm Already Dead
According to the Bible's Old Testament God judged and destroyed many people. His judgement was brought upon Sodom and Gomorrah for many reasons. One reason in particular, which was deemed Biblically an abomination in more then one account was homosexuality. How could God do such a thing? The horror.
I don't understand God. I don't understand his motives. I don't know how he sees an abomination versus a white lie or petty theft. I believe he is judgement, he is emotion, he is the one who created it all. I do not believe that he enjoyed destroying his beloved creation, but he did destroy those people. I do believe in fact that if God could be limited to despise carrying out such an action that he would have.
If you do not believe in God or if you do not believe in a God who would do that then there is nothing I can tell you. I will not tell anyone what to believe. All I can say is what I believe.
God loves homosexuals. God made them knowing full well their lives would turn out the way they turn out. I do not understand this, but this I believe. If it is the Bible that tells me so then so be it, but for me it is more. These are my beliefs, and I cannot agree or passively agree with what I feel God disagrees with.
I am voting Yes on Proposition 8 because I feel in my heart that there need be no provision to sustain or support what has been said to be an abomination. This hurts my feelings, this hurts my mind, and this hurts my soul because I care for homosexual people and I want to live in harmony with everyone. I want to love and be loved regardless of my actions and my decisions, but regardless of right and wrong I will not promote any amendment to an institution such as marriage with those who have no respect for its sanctity. Homosexual or heterosexual. I will promote the reestablishment of an amendment that supports this case, and I will do so this Tuesday.
I don't understand God. I don't understand his motives. I don't know how he sees an abomination versus a white lie or petty theft. I believe he is judgement, he is emotion, he is the one who created it all. I do not believe that he enjoyed destroying his beloved creation, but he did destroy those people. I do believe in fact that if God could be limited to despise carrying out such an action that he would have.
If you do not believe in God or if you do not believe in a God who would do that then there is nothing I can tell you. I will not tell anyone what to believe. All I can say is what I believe.
God loves homosexuals. God made them knowing full well their lives would turn out the way they turn out. I do not understand this, but this I believe. If it is the Bible that tells me so then so be it, but for me it is more. These are my beliefs, and I cannot agree or passively agree with what I feel God disagrees with.
I am voting Yes on Proposition 8 because I feel in my heart that there need be no provision to sustain or support what has been said to be an abomination. This hurts my feelings, this hurts my mind, and this hurts my soul because I care for homosexual people and I want to live in harmony with everyone. I want to love and be loved regardless of my actions and my decisions, but regardless of right and wrong I will not promote any amendment to an institution such as marriage with those who have no respect for its sanctity. Homosexual or heterosexual. I will promote the reestablishment of an amendment that supports this case, and I will do so this Tuesday.
15 October 2008
See you soon.
Make me a villain, the one you despise.
Ignore all the passion and longing and hide.
Put out the fire that burns deep inside.
Should I shut the door and go while you sigh?
A kiss from a friend to just say good bye.
Is better then parting and wondering why.
Ignore all the passion and longing and hide.
Put out the fire that burns deep inside.
Should I shut the door and go while you sigh?
A kiss from a friend to just say good bye.
Is better then parting and wondering why.
12 October 2008
This is for all of us.
The business of destroying dreams will leave one void and dreamless.
Paradigms shift. They cannot be destroyed only gradually changed.
Stop trying to destroy the American dream. Change it, shift it, and live it.
The values that you believe fuel the virtues that you embody which drive the world in which we live in.
What are your values? Where do you get them from? Where will they take us?
Paradigms shift. They cannot be destroyed only gradually changed.
Stop trying to destroy the American dream. Change it, shift it, and live it.
The values that you believe fuel the virtues that you embody which drive the world in which we live in.
What are your values? Where do you get them from? Where will they take us?
09 October 2008
05 October 2008
Slow Suicide With Silver Bullets
Life Lesson:
Good people attract good people.
Hoppin Hipsters attract hoppin hipsters.
Bumpin' gangstas attract bumpin gangstas.
Artist attract other artists.
Rockers attract rockers.
The business elite attract business elites.
Shitty people attract other shitty people.
I am happy to have a eclectic mix of all of these in my life, and, on the same note, perfectly content to lay in my room and listen to music all day long.
Much love to all the people I know out there.
Good people attract good people.
Hoppin Hipsters attract hoppin hipsters.
Bumpin' gangstas attract bumpin gangstas.
Artist attract other artists.
Rockers attract rockers.
The business elite attract business elites.
Shitty people attract other shitty people.
I am happy to have a eclectic mix of all of these in my life, and, on the same note, perfectly content to lay in my room and listen to music all day long.
Much love to all the people I know out there.
30 September 2008
Who Needs a Woman?
Writing my forlorn lover; my ever longing. The one I elude as I am often eluded.
To write voluntarily is a leisure for some, impossible for others, but necessary for me. It is something I desire to faithfully embrace.
I slowly massage my page with each random phrase. Reminding, recording, and informing. The top feels the kisses of my unending desire. Slowly I move down to the neck and arouse hidden feelings, passions, and emotions. With a tender touch of the collar I feel humanity and structure. Each deep breath unlocks another minute of accelerating rapture and excitement. The breasts define the mystery of difference between our worlds. It is the mystery that constantly intrigues me and draws my attention away from myself. The ribs are origin and the stomach sustenance, which resemble the unfound, the unseen, and the always longed for. I reach for the naval, which is the tunnel of connection to the past surrounded by the bones that birth the future. I find below the intimate areas that define all pleasure, perseverance, and power. All the time knowing that the legs and arms that carry out all action are wrapped around me. Holding me close. Forever.
To write voluntarily is a leisure for some, impossible for others, but necessary for me. It is something I desire to faithfully embrace.
I slowly massage my page with each random phrase. Reminding, recording, and informing. The top feels the kisses of my unending desire. Slowly I move down to the neck and arouse hidden feelings, passions, and emotions. With a tender touch of the collar I feel humanity and structure. Each deep breath unlocks another minute of accelerating rapture and excitement. The breasts define the mystery of difference between our worlds. It is the mystery that constantly intrigues me and draws my attention away from myself. The ribs are origin and the stomach sustenance, which resemble the unfound, the unseen, and the always longed for. I reach for the naval, which is the tunnel of connection to the past surrounded by the bones that birth the future. I find below the intimate areas that define all pleasure, perseverance, and power. All the time knowing that the legs and arms that carry out all action are wrapped around me. Holding me close. Forever.
24 September 2008
Put that lazy bastard out of my misery.
Every morning around 5:30am there is an individual who drives a Gold Minivan down our street. This person apparantly picks someone up who lives across the street from my house. Mind you, I am on the 5th floor over looking this street, and every morning this lazy bastard honks their horn at least 10 times beween 5:30am-6am.
It has woken me a few times, and I have easily drifted back to sleep only being casually annoyed. Yesterday was the horn that broke the camels back. I was up at 5am listening to that ass honk his stupid minivan. I vowed to do something about it because there is no way I am the only person annoyed by this. So I went to my fridge.
I picked up a hefty Roma Tomato... still too ripe would for sure break or crack a window, and then I realized that eggs are God's gift to the prankster. I grabbed one, chucked it, and missed. He had won that round.
However, today just before 6am I was awoken by that minivan bastard again. This time I was focused. Grabbed an egg, went out to my balcony, and nailed his rear passenger side window with a huge thud. Heart racing I casually strode by my roomate, who probably came out to stop me, and said, "got em."
I went back to bed, heart pounding, as I listened to the bastard drive away honking his horn down the street like an injured animal. I drifted back to sleep.
I may not have solved the problem, but hey, if he likes to wake me up there are plenty of more eggs where that one came from.
It has woken me a few times, and I have easily drifted back to sleep only being casually annoyed. Yesterday was the horn that broke the camels back. I was up at 5am listening to that ass honk his stupid minivan. I vowed to do something about it because there is no way I am the only person annoyed by this. So I went to my fridge.
I picked up a hefty Roma Tomato... still too ripe would for sure break or crack a window, and then I realized that eggs are God's gift to the prankster. I grabbed one, chucked it, and missed. He had won that round.
However, today just before 6am I was awoken by that minivan bastard again. This time I was focused. Grabbed an egg, went out to my balcony, and nailed his rear passenger side window with a huge thud. Heart racing I casually strode by my roomate, who probably came out to stop me, and said, "got em."
I went back to bed, heart pounding, as I listened to the bastard drive away honking his horn down the street like an injured animal. I drifted back to sleep.
I may not have solved the problem, but hey, if he likes to wake me up there are plenty of more eggs where that one came from.
22 September 2008
AY Yi Yi
I think it is funny when I look back at a blog I wrote and go "damn."
I often think in cartoon sounds.
I miss roller skating, but I would never just go out and do it... and going to a rink by yourself is the creepiest thing in the world.
I am addicted to cardio classes at the gym, and I am often the only male in the room. You would think that would increase the odds, but not so much.
I like when I feel lighthearted because it dosen't happen often.
Burn After Reading was pleasantly disturbing. Brad Pit and George Cloony were amazing, and the entire premise and conclusion of the movie were completely appropriate.
Sometimes life is a complete clusterfuck.
I often think in cartoon sounds.
I miss roller skating, but I would never just go out and do it... and going to a rink by yourself is the creepiest thing in the world.
I am addicted to cardio classes at the gym, and I am often the only male in the room. You would think that would increase the odds, but not so much.
I like when I feel lighthearted because it dosen't happen often.
Burn After Reading was pleasantly disturbing. Brad Pit and George Cloony were amazing, and the entire premise and conclusion of the movie were completely appropriate.
Sometimes life is a complete clusterfuck.
11 September 2008
Game.
How are people so full of shit?
I am who I am.
I speak the truth about who I am.
Take or leave it.
Leave it?
I will still pick up the tab.
Why?
Because fuck you.
I am who I am.
I speak the truth about who I am.
Take or leave it.
Leave it?
I will still pick up the tab.
Why?
Because fuck you.
09 September 2008
Easy Does It
I am playing music at The Break tomorrow night. The Break is a high school youth group affiliated with Seaside Community Church in Huntington Beach; the same group I attended as a high schooler and played at for about 3 years. I will be playing bass along side Aaron Mc Brearty and Brian Dishon for sure... perhaps more people will be there. Aaron asked me today if I wanted to play a song and I opted for bass. Life has changed so much.
I hope that tomorrow night something will happen in me that will cause me to desire to play a song. I always have enjoyed leading, but at this point I can't think of a song to play. I was thinking about it today, and all I could think of was talking to these kids, and this is the gist of what I wanted to say.
You must learn. (Thank you KRS1) If you are always listening to the person in the pulpit and not processing the thought, not understanding the meaning, and not acting out what YOU believe you are defeating the reason the whole production is arranged in the first place. Most people are raised and told by their parents in so many ways how to live, what to do, and where to go. Then we get palmed off to teachers at school, usually against our will, who do the same thing. Then we go to church and listen to a regular person explain how they feel, how they interpret the Bible, and how they have come to understand the meanings of life. I don't believe that method is sufficient. I have studied preaching and teaching, the Bible, Ministry, cultural ideologies, and people and I know for a fact that teachers and preachers always rely on their gut when it comes down to it. Are you willing to let another's experience, another's vision, another's feelings dictate your own? Many people are. It transfers the responsibility of living your life off of you and on to someone else who will eventually disappear from your life. When they go away, your grid disappears, and all you have left is the remnants of a tattered map of how to live littering your memories. Same with school... I have tons of algebraic debris in my mind and yes it has added to me and has been somewhat useful in certain ways, but if the concepts were my own, something I understood, something I applied they would be useful more to me. So I don't say, "stop going to church there is no point," I say take advantage of the fortune you have to have a consistent flow of communication, an extracurricular learning environment that is geared for your soul, a group of people you supposedly can rely on, and make those things yours.
I have spent far too long agonizing over the loss of these things in my own life. I am blessed because I made my church my own, and not only I reap the benefits but all those who see that ember in my eye. I have moved on in my life, but that doesn't stop me from coming back. I do not fear judgement, hypocrisy, or condemnation I just have a different path now. I drink on occasion to have a good time, I smoke cigarettes casually, I enjoy being around the ladies, and that is who I am. I don't think it is wrong, and I don't need to explain it.
If you believe that God loves everyone for who they are then believe that he loves me. I don't need to prove it... I am just blessed enough to know it. He created my foul mouth, my silly brain, and everything else. At least I use what I have been given. Gotta play the cards you are dealt. Fortunately I come equipped with Aces up my sleeves, at least I think they are Aces.
I hope that tomorrow night something will happen in me that will cause me to desire to play a song. I always have enjoyed leading, but at this point I can't think of a song to play. I was thinking about it today, and all I could think of was talking to these kids, and this is the gist of what I wanted to say.
You must learn. (Thank you KRS1) If you are always listening to the person in the pulpit and not processing the thought, not understanding the meaning, and not acting out what YOU believe you are defeating the reason the whole production is arranged in the first place. Most people are raised and told by their parents in so many ways how to live, what to do, and where to go. Then we get palmed off to teachers at school, usually against our will, who do the same thing. Then we go to church and listen to a regular person explain how they feel, how they interpret the Bible, and how they have come to understand the meanings of life. I don't believe that method is sufficient. I have studied preaching and teaching, the Bible, Ministry, cultural ideologies, and people and I know for a fact that teachers and preachers always rely on their gut when it comes down to it. Are you willing to let another's experience, another's vision, another's feelings dictate your own? Many people are. It transfers the responsibility of living your life off of you and on to someone else who will eventually disappear from your life. When they go away, your grid disappears, and all you have left is the remnants of a tattered map of how to live littering your memories. Same with school... I have tons of algebraic debris in my mind and yes it has added to me and has been somewhat useful in certain ways, but if the concepts were my own, something I understood, something I applied they would be useful more to me. So I don't say, "stop going to church there is no point," I say take advantage of the fortune you have to have a consistent flow of communication, an extracurricular learning environment that is geared for your soul, a group of people you supposedly can rely on, and make those things yours.
I have spent far too long agonizing over the loss of these things in my own life. I am blessed because I made my church my own, and not only I reap the benefits but all those who see that ember in my eye. I have moved on in my life, but that doesn't stop me from coming back. I do not fear judgement, hypocrisy, or condemnation I just have a different path now. I drink on occasion to have a good time, I smoke cigarettes casually, I enjoy being around the ladies, and that is who I am. I don't think it is wrong, and I don't need to explain it.
If you believe that God loves everyone for who they are then believe that he loves me. I don't need to prove it... I am just blessed enough to know it. He created my foul mouth, my silly brain, and everything else. At least I use what I have been given. Gotta play the cards you are dealt. Fortunately I come equipped with Aces up my sleeves, at least I think they are Aces.
04 September 2008
Democracy
Permanent psychological procrastinators
Postmortem pencil pushers
Pillaging pensive pages
Pushing presumptive projectiles
Peeling pale pigments of posthumous pride
Pining people's presumptions permanently
Pious perverted protectors of personal protagonists
Postmortem pencil pushers
Pillaging pensive pages
Pushing presumptive projectiles
Peeling pale pigments of posthumous pride
Pining people's presumptions permanently
Pious perverted protectors of personal protagonists
22 August 2008
Thursday night
Went out for a night of drinking, music, and good times at Memphis and the Gypsy tonight.
I got a ride home with a gay Mexican... poor guy I hope he picks up a gay guy next time!!
Passsssss out time...
Goodnight!!
<3 <3 <3
I got a ride home with a gay Mexican... poor guy I hope he picks up a gay guy next time!!
Passsssss out time...
Goodnight!!
<3 <3 <3
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